#22

What do you do when you miss someone? or two people at the same time for the same reasons? I don't know either... I heard you just tell them, let it be known, easier said than done though,I hate coming off the desperate type anyway, maybe i'm just letting the chances slip through my hands and just don't realize it. I miss Tony a lot and last night when i got the chance to talk to him, it just made me feel like nothing I've felt in a long time, since Eddie and that feeling was Love.. like not in love just love.. like no one else mattered, other dudes could just take a hike. Nothing lasts forever though, i'm too fickle sometimes.. most times.. especially when i get distracted out of the blue by David.. I swear there is always that one person who distracts me, makes it seem all good and harmless until he says he misses me then the pot of confusion gets stirred.. like is this some sort of test? Seems that way since Tony totally tested me today, by saying he's going to come over then cancels, for his dad though understandably,but then says he'll call me back and never does, but i'm used to that by now for sure, i'm just trying my hardest to cut his ass a break and be good, being fickle goes hand in hand with being impulsive.. so that's what i'm working with, plus i was looking for my old high again, just when i was doing so good on that too.. didn't achieve though..of course, it's like i try so hard with the same results.. not fun anymore, i just wanted some weed to be honest, fuck pills, PILLS ARE FOR PUSSYS.. just cause I have one doesn't make me one. so anyway, tomorrow is Father's Day, I know I won't see Tony probably not until like next weekend, which yeah sucks, i don't know why i feel this way but since Steve and my aunt broke up, do you think it will change things? between Tony and I? i fucking hope not.. I just don't see how i'm going to be able to fake like his dad.. well maybe it won't be so bad, the real reason i'm so bummed and yes i guess i'm actually admitting that i am bummed is cause he said he would call me and he didn't this morning, I really hope he wasn't being sweet to me last night cause he was drinking, pisses me off just thinking that's the case.. I don't want my time being wasted or my fucking feelings, and same shit when he called me today saying he'd call me later and never did, whatever that's a little more understandable if he's with his family, but he doesn't try to talk to me any other time, like now, well who am i kidding? i know he's drunk... we'll see what the fuck happens after this weekend but i'm starting to lose hope...JUST GREAT.

#21

So, it's summer and I've just turned 21.. two years have really gone by so fast, makes me wonder how i'm gonna feel when life is all over with.. and still no one reads my blogs :( Welp! I met someone pretty amazing.. his name is Tony, he's my aunt's bfs son, he's 26 and sexyyyyy... not just that though, he's chill as fuhh, I love it! He took me out to Huntington this weekend and I even danced hahahahhhhhhhaaa.. awe I need not to be so shy around him though, but he's too quiet sometimes, makes me think STUFF but you know what? i'm not gonna let that get to me too much cause' I really don't want to fuck this up ya know?PMA! :)) That's PRETTY MUCH IT... i'm trying to lose weight for the 4803423489 time in my life, I still live with my brother it's going... okay, he's mad OCD so i'm getting used to it, I wanna smoke some weed.. i think, but of course i'm out! oh! i broke my fucking phone so now i ain't gott a phone which sucks cause i can't talk to Tony like i want to, he has to get ahold of me on FB which is fucking lame as dog shit .. whatever later gator