January 27,2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR..
AGAIN I am pre-tryping this due to no wifi..
Aya.. So Oct 5th was my last post not like any of you read this, anyway more of a therapy for me.
Hmm so my best friend and I no longer talk..
I guess...
I dont know, reading back on my last posts I seemed happier but now I feel stuck I am jobless and somewhhat hopeless, getting high is no longer fun for me as well, well I have no money to enjoy it anyway.
I dont know these last couple of months I have learned alot about life and i'm still learning about the curroptnesss in this world//
Lord Jesus please help me.. I feel depressed again and have anxiety like a mother fucker,all the time it seems. It could be cause i moved back in with my mom..
I cant find any real happiness anywhere and its horrible.
I think im pregnant too, which would be my fault for being brainless in my lustful acts, Abortion would defintley be an option but I dont know how I would be able to live with myslef if i made that choice..
I smoke cigarettes now... gross I know.
The only thing I can look fowrad to is when my sister comes to California and i go back with her to Nebraska to see if i would move there but what would the rest of my family think? I dont know either, but i feel that it would be a good thing to get cultured and travel im still young you know and i want to live my life to the fullest.
I came up with a saying or motto whatever you prefer really, and this is, ALWAYS BE YOURSELF BUT BE THE GOOD PART OF YOURSELF.
I see the world and the kids my age who all have the attitude of "fuck this imma live my life and fuck god etc etc.." it's sad and stupid, i feel like the only one left sometimes with morals,doesn't mean i think i am better than anyone cause im not, but i still like to believe that there is hope for my genration.
That felt kinda good to let that all out.
Like right now i just yelled at my lil sister but fuck dude... i need friends and all that, i've gotten fat.. yuck.
Bikini season is near and it's time to workkout y'all.
Maybe i'll go to Ridgecrest tomorrow with my mom, just to get out and climb that old mountain I love.
Maybe i'll walk there bahaha NOT!
So,how's your day going? Better than mine I hope.
I would really love to go back to my writing again that's the only thing I loved and can remember being good at.. doing research and shit :)
It should be fun editing this post cause of all my typos.
Pshhh don't judge.. chdfkjvkeghv
KK.. well i'm out like a dawwg.
PEACEE
